I love shit like this. three cheers for paul eckman. I mean five cheers?
enjoyment smile: five distinct markers differentiate the enjoyment smile from other types of smiles: the presence of orbicularis oculi action in conjunction with the zygomatic major (Duchenne's smile), symmetrical action of the zygomatic major on both sides of the face, zygomatic major actions which are smooth and not irregular, duration of zygomatic major action that is consistent from one enjoyment smile to the next, and synchronous action of the zygomatic major and the orbicularis oculi such that they reach maximal contraction at about the same time.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
fable-u-ous.
The Scorpion and the Frog
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
p-p-p-poker face
An essay I wrote about stud hi/lo about ten years ago. It was geared to beginners, keep in mind that depending on game situations, ante, player skill, table image, etc. these things can be modified accordingly. given those caveats, it's pretty good advice in general. take it for what it's worth.
1: Rolled Up:
always play. typically always play 9-k's with a raise unless a lower high card has raised you (say a queen) and you have kkk... then you may want to just call. But raising with a high door card, most people will only give you credit for a pair, not trips... so you don't lose anything by raising. a-8 you need to play based on the players at the table. slowplaying them is deceptive, but allows you to be drawn out on more easily (especially with 2-6)so, pay attention to your table conditions.
2: 3 low to a straight flush:
these hands are very very good hands. because of their strong potential in both directions, and the fact that they are big drawing hands, they play very very very well in multi-way pots. therefore, you should usually just call with them in early position, but if you are in late position and there are already people in, you should go ahead and raise. this is a very powerful hand
3: AA-baby:
this hand is a very powerful hand as well, but it's value is in pots with a few opponents. It is very very powerful heads up. you should typically raise or reraise with this hand in an effort to get it heads up, or limit the field as much as possible.
4: 3 baby to a straight:
this is a great hand that plays well multi-way. the more live, and the more connected your straight, the better. 345 is much better than 245 with a couple of dead threes.
5: A-baby-baby:
these hands are strong. you have a chance at spiking an ace and winning high (and sometimes even ace high will be good enough to take down the high if you are up against just a person going low). You can also make a low hand. the versatility of this hand makes it strong. a lot of people recommend raising with this hand if your ace is your door card (and I don't disagree). I would raise with this hand a good majority of the time. it will add deception to your game (since people won't know when you have aces or just two babies with an ace. also, it is typically nice to raise because you have a powerful hand, and you don't mind putting money in the pot. again, pay attention to how live your cards are (straight, low, and pair cards)
6: Pair higher than anyone's door card:
hands like split queens and split kings play best heads up or as short-handed as possible. If an ace raises before you, you should probably fold this hand almost every time. also, be careful on later streets because a lot of people will be playing hands with an ace in them. So if somebody catches an ace, proceed with caution (don't fold automatically, but be very aware of the fact that they very well could have hit a pair with the ace they caught.
7: 3 to a straight flush:
this hand is a decent holding. make sure your cards are live both flush and straight. These hands are not as good in low ante games. also, they play best against a lot of opponents. be careful playing these hands. get away from them if you catch bad or if your cards are/become dead.
8: Baby pair + A:
This hand isn't terribly strong, but it is definitely playable. it prefers to be played heads up against a hand that's going high. Also, you must consider how live your cards are. you want your pair and your ace to be very live.
9: Baby pair + low:
this hand isn't too strong, and I think a lot of people play it incorrectly and end up losing money with it. the ideal conditions for this hand are having a straight flush kicker i.e a hand like 5c5h6h and having very live straight cards and three of a kind cards. also, if you catch bad, you want to get away from the hand immediately, and if it appears you are behind in both directions get out. however, that being said, a hand like 7h 7c 6c against a single opponent with a low door card who appears to be going low is very good.
10: 3 to a 7 low:
be very careful playing this hand. if it is a primarily one way hand, you can get yourself in a lot of trouble. i.e 267 is not a very good hand at all. the only time you really would want to play these are against a few opponents that are obviously going high. I would toss these away otherwise. it can be very tempting to stick with them, but you are basically only drawing at the low and you will have a very difficult time backing into some kind of high hand. not only that, but you are drawing at a pretty crappy low in the first place (a 7 low is in no ways a quality low)
11: 3 to an 8 low:
same thing as above, but even worse. you don't want to play 8s all that often. if there are other lows in there, you are certainly behind. I would never play an eight unless I had some other things working for it... i.e three to a straight, 3 to a flush, or at very worst an ace as one of my three low cards. even then, proceed with caution, if there are other lows out there, they are almost certainly drawing better than you. don't get trapped chasing half of the pot with a bad draw.
a hand like 238 is garbage.
12: 3 to a flush (2 babies):
not a bad hand, the bigger the ante and the more opponents in the pot the better typically. your flush cards need to be live. also, the better your babies, the better. having an ace also makes your hand much much stronger... since you can pair it and have a pretty good high hand.
13: 3 to a high straight:
vomit. don't play it
14: Baby pair + big kicker:
if I was last to act and in a tight game on a steal, maybe... but 99% of the time, no
15: 3 to a middle straight:
not bad if you are playing against only high hands. since you can back into a low and salvage half the pot or make a straight and win the high. make sure your straight cards are very live. also, I wouldn't even think of playing this hand if there was any low cards call the bring in or are yet to act. it is not a very strong hand at all. however, if a king calls, a queen calls, a jack calls, and everyone folds to you in last position and you have 789... it's a good spot to call. but other than that, don't play them
1: Rolled Up:
always play. typically always play 9-k's with a raise unless a lower high card has raised you (say a queen) and you have kkk... then you may want to just call. But raising with a high door card, most people will only give you credit for a pair, not trips... so you don't lose anything by raising. a-8 you need to play based on the players at the table. slowplaying them is deceptive, but allows you to be drawn out on more easily (especially with 2-6)so, pay attention to your table conditions.
2: 3 low to a straight flush:
these hands are very very good hands. because of their strong potential in both directions, and the fact that they are big drawing hands, they play very very very well in multi-way pots. therefore, you should usually just call with them in early position, but if you are in late position and there are already people in, you should go ahead and raise. this is a very powerful hand
3: AA-baby:
this hand is a very powerful hand as well, but it's value is in pots with a few opponents. It is very very powerful heads up. you should typically raise or reraise with this hand in an effort to get it heads up, or limit the field as much as possible.
4: 3 baby to a straight:
this is a great hand that plays well multi-way. the more live, and the more connected your straight, the better. 345 is much better than 245 with a couple of dead threes.
5: A-baby-baby:
these hands are strong. you have a chance at spiking an ace and winning high (and sometimes even ace high will be good enough to take down the high if you are up against just a person going low). You can also make a low hand. the versatility of this hand makes it strong. a lot of people recommend raising with this hand if your ace is your door card (and I don't disagree). I would raise with this hand a good majority of the time. it will add deception to your game (since people won't know when you have aces or just two babies with an ace. also, it is typically nice to raise because you have a powerful hand, and you don't mind putting money in the pot. again, pay attention to how live your cards are (straight, low, and pair cards)
6: Pair higher than anyone's door card:
hands like split queens and split kings play best heads up or as short-handed as possible. If an ace raises before you, you should probably fold this hand almost every time. also, be careful on later streets because a lot of people will be playing hands with an ace in them. So if somebody catches an ace, proceed with caution (don't fold automatically, but be very aware of the fact that they very well could have hit a pair with the ace they caught.
7: 3 to a straight flush:
this hand is a decent holding. make sure your cards are live both flush and straight. These hands are not as good in low ante games. also, they play best against a lot of opponents. be careful playing these hands. get away from them if you catch bad or if your cards are/become dead.
8: Baby pair + A:
This hand isn't terribly strong, but it is definitely playable. it prefers to be played heads up against a hand that's going high. Also, you must consider how live your cards are. you want your pair and your ace to be very live.
9: Baby pair + low:
this hand isn't too strong, and I think a lot of people play it incorrectly and end up losing money with it. the ideal conditions for this hand are having a straight flush kicker i.e a hand like 5c5h6h and having very live straight cards and three of a kind cards. also, if you catch bad, you want to get away from the hand immediately, and if it appears you are behind in both directions get out. however, that being said, a hand like 7h 7c 6c against a single opponent with a low door card who appears to be going low is very good.
10: 3 to a 7 low:
be very careful playing this hand. if it is a primarily one way hand, you can get yourself in a lot of trouble. i.e 267 is not a very good hand at all. the only time you really would want to play these are against a few opponents that are obviously going high. I would toss these away otherwise. it can be very tempting to stick with them, but you are basically only drawing at the low and you will have a very difficult time backing into some kind of high hand. not only that, but you are drawing at a pretty crappy low in the first place (a 7 low is in no ways a quality low)
11: 3 to an 8 low:
same thing as above, but even worse. you don't want to play 8s all that often. if there are other lows in there, you are certainly behind. I would never play an eight unless I had some other things working for it... i.e three to a straight, 3 to a flush, or at very worst an ace as one of my three low cards. even then, proceed with caution, if there are other lows out there, they are almost certainly drawing better than you. don't get trapped chasing half of the pot with a bad draw.
a hand like 238 is garbage.
12: 3 to a flush (2 babies):
not a bad hand, the bigger the ante and the more opponents in the pot the better typically. your flush cards need to be live. also, the better your babies, the better. having an ace also makes your hand much much stronger... since you can pair it and have a pretty good high hand.
13: 3 to a high straight:
vomit. don't play it
14: Baby pair + big kicker:
if I was last to act and in a tight game on a steal, maybe... but 99% of the time, no
15: 3 to a middle straight:
not bad if you are playing against only high hands. since you can back into a low and salvage half the pot or make a straight and win the high. make sure your straight cards are very live. also, I wouldn't even think of playing this hand if there was any low cards call the bring in or are yet to act. it is not a very strong hand at all. however, if a king calls, a queen calls, a jack calls, and everyone folds to you in last position and you have 789... it's a good spot to call. but other than that, don't play them
Monday, April 5, 2010
continued
-When people that don't know me try to talk to me about poker. You don't know what you are talking about. Please just leave me alone.
-people who pronounce etc. as "ex cetera." It's et cetera. don't make me aks you again.
-incense
-why is the word panic in hispanic? that's just anglo-centric racism O.o
-when people say "antisocial" when they mean "asocial"
-when somebody takes the last slice, piece, or part of something. If there is only one of something left in a group, and you take it... chances are, you're a selfish bag of douche.
-when people say atm machine. You're going to the automated teller machine machine? Oh! awesome... don't forget your personal identification number number.
-people who talk shit about other people. (those people are fuckers O.o)
-rich white men that are anti-abortion.
-mushrooms. bleh.
some of my favorites:
when somebody says what flavor is that candle.
when people misuse literally.
dogs that wave.
polite people.
-people who pronounce etc. as "ex cetera." It's et cetera. don't make me aks you again.
-incense
-why is the word panic in hispanic? that's just anglo-centric racism O.o
-when people say "antisocial" when they mean "asocial"
-when somebody takes the last slice, piece, or part of something. If there is only one of something left in a group, and you take it... chances are, you're a selfish bag of douche.
-when people say atm machine. You're going to the automated teller machine machine? Oh! awesome... don't forget your personal identification number number.
-people who talk shit about other people. (those people are fuckers O.o)
-rich white men that are anti-abortion.
-mushrooms. bleh.
some of my favorites:
when somebody says what flavor is that candle.
when people misuse literally.
dogs that wave.
polite people.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
I try to be a very positive person. I try to resist the temptation to view people in terms of their weaknesses rather than their strengths. I try not to force my views down people's throats... it's not typically my style. All that being said. This blog shall be random rude/incendiary statements, crass observations I make, pet peeves, annoyances, or controversial views that I don't expect anybody to agree with. However, in keeping with "Lane" tradition... I'm sure it will be disorganized, scatterbrained, and tangential.
fashion:
-Don't wear brown and black together. it doesn't match. if you wear a black shirt, don't wear brown shoes or a brown belt. brown shirt... no black belt or black shoes. Mild exceptions of course. but to me... a nauseating fashion faux pas.
-Sticking in the realm of fashion, flip flops. especially on heterosexual men. They look stupid, and most people have ugly, horribly maintained feet. There's no place on my retina for that shit. please stop.
-I think that you should be able to wear fur... however, I think that if you do, people should be allowed to pet you.
-white socks. personal pet peeve... but for most outfits, dress socks look much classier. upgrade if you haven't kids.
-untucked shoelaces. tuck your shoelaces in. it looks neat, prim, and proper. tacky long "bunny ears" protruding from your pants look tacky and messy.
okay. grammar and spelling:
-don't say guess what? It is not a question. it's a fucking command. either use an exclamation point or a period. question mark = no.
-spell definitely right. it is definitely not spelled definately.
-don't say I'm nauseous if you feel like you are going to throw up. say you're nauseated. if you say i'm nauseous, it means you induce nausea in others. (unfortunately... saying i'm nauseous is becoming more acceptable just because everybody fucks it up).
-their, they're, there. their indicates possesioon. It is their dildo. they're is a contraction for they are. They're dildos. and there indicates a location. "Ah! There is my dildo!"
-your and you're. your indicates possession. examples... that is your dildo. vs. you're a dildo.
-WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThIs... EnOuGh SaId.
-when I leave and somebody says drive safe.. it's drive safely. Adverbs are your friends. They won't bite.
-when people pronounce dissect as "disect" Disect means to cut into two pieces. If that's what you mean... great, say it. Otherwise, use dissect.
Politics (I'll keep it brief and superficial)
-when people say things that are just blatantly untrue. You are entitled to your own opinion, but you shouldn't just make up things and pretend they are true. You can't say the sky is green when it's blue. It's just untrue... and I'm sick of people making political arguments while asserting "the sky is green." It's blue. that's just a fact.
-the notion that republicans say we need the government out of our lives as far as finances, healthcare, etc. goes. They profess we shouldn't be told what to do... However, for some reason... the government all the sudden should be able to tell us what we are allowed to do when it comes to morality (abortion, gay rights, etc. etc.) Either say you want big government or little. Don't pretend like our freedom would be crushed if the government regulated finances or healthcare, and then espouse out of the other side of your mouth, that the government needs to regulate how people should act in a moral context.
etc. etc. on that topic. i could go on for days.
People:
-Be punctual. Live up to your word. If you say you are going to hang out... unless an unforeseen important obligation comes up, you should be there if you say you are going to be. And if you say you will be there at 8. be there by 8. Say what you mean. It's just disrespectful otherwise.
-People that lie. Tell the truth. live with integrity.
-pretty girls that think their looks are enough for them to be entitled to everything. News flash. pretty girls are a dime a dozen. If you aren't kind, thoughtful, or a good person, you deserve nothing but a reality check. fix your makeup, and show some more cleavage.
-People that say objectifying things about women, or treat them with total disrespect. I guess it's just the feminist in me. ;)
-hypocrites.
pet peeves:
... shit i was going to go on for a while longer, but apparently when you are 27 you get tired as shit. so i'm going to sleep.
old kisses and birhday wishes.
pps. I think the idea of "black"mailing a person from the kkk is hilarious. Not to condone the act, but the sentence itself is very funny.
fashion:
-Don't wear brown and black together. it doesn't match. if you wear a black shirt, don't wear brown shoes or a brown belt. brown shirt... no black belt or black shoes. Mild exceptions of course. but to me... a nauseating fashion faux pas.
-Sticking in the realm of fashion, flip flops. especially on heterosexual men. They look stupid, and most people have ugly, horribly maintained feet. There's no place on my retina for that shit. please stop.
-I think that you should be able to wear fur... however, I think that if you do, people should be allowed to pet you.
-white socks. personal pet peeve... but for most outfits, dress socks look much classier. upgrade if you haven't kids.
-untucked shoelaces. tuck your shoelaces in. it looks neat, prim, and proper. tacky long "bunny ears" protruding from your pants look tacky and messy.
okay. grammar and spelling:
-don't say guess what? It is not a question. it's a fucking command. either use an exclamation point or a period. question mark = no.
-spell definitely right. it is definitely not spelled definately.
-don't say I'm nauseous if you feel like you are going to throw up. say you're nauseated. if you say i'm nauseous, it means you induce nausea in others. (unfortunately... saying i'm nauseous is becoming more acceptable just because everybody fucks it up).
-their, they're, there. their indicates possesioon. It is their dildo. they're is a contraction for they are. They're dildos. and there indicates a location. "Ah! There is my dildo!"
-your and you're. your indicates possession. examples... that is your dildo. vs. you're a dildo.
-WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThIs... EnOuGh SaId.
-when I leave and somebody says drive safe.. it's drive safely. Adverbs are your friends. They won't bite.
-when people pronounce dissect as "disect" Disect means to cut into two pieces. If that's what you mean... great, say it. Otherwise, use dissect.
Politics (I'll keep it brief and superficial)
-when people say things that are just blatantly untrue. You are entitled to your own opinion, but you shouldn't just make up things and pretend they are true. You can't say the sky is green when it's blue. It's just untrue... and I'm sick of people making political arguments while asserting "the sky is green." It's blue. that's just a fact.
-the notion that republicans say we need the government out of our lives as far as finances, healthcare, etc. goes. They profess we shouldn't be told what to do... However, for some reason... the government all the sudden should be able to tell us what we are allowed to do when it comes to morality (abortion, gay rights, etc. etc.) Either say you want big government or little. Don't pretend like our freedom would be crushed if the government regulated finances or healthcare, and then espouse out of the other side of your mouth, that the government needs to regulate how people should act in a moral context.
etc. etc. on that topic. i could go on for days.
People:
-Be punctual. Live up to your word. If you say you are going to hang out... unless an unforeseen important obligation comes up, you should be there if you say you are going to be. And if you say you will be there at 8. be there by 8. Say what you mean. It's just disrespectful otherwise.
-People that lie. Tell the truth. live with integrity.
-pretty girls that think their looks are enough for them to be entitled to everything. News flash. pretty girls are a dime a dozen. If you aren't kind, thoughtful, or a good person, you deserve nothing but a reality check. fix your makeup, and show some more cleavage.
-People that say objectifying things about women, or treat them with total disrespect. I guess it's just the feminist in me. ;)
-hypocrites.
pet peeves:
... shit i was going to go on for a while longer, but apparently when you are 27 you get tired as shit. so i'm going to sleep.
old kisses and birhday wishes.
pps. I think the idea of "black"mailing a person from the kkk is hilarious. Not to condone the act, but the sentence itself is very funny.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Did I stutter? happy fucking birthday!
I go to sleep now. somebody remind me to wish camrann a happy birthday today.
cccciao, kkkkkiisssses. i have a stutter :(
cccciao, kkkkkiisssses. i have a stutter :(
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