que sera, sera.

and so the sun set today, on this metaphorical summer solstice. Rather than curse the darkness, I feel lucky to have enjoyed the beauty while it lasted. Words can't express how sad I am. But I will not let my circumstances determine my mood. Life is not the hand that you've been dealt, but the way you play it. A glass with a drop of water is not empty, it possesses a drop... and because of the emptiness around it, that drop means so much more. I shall not live in the past, I shall not let a disappointing feeling determine my overall happiness. To the sun that has set. I wish you nothing but the absolute best. From these embers rose a pixie. Conquer the world. Take from it all that you deserve. I'm fortunate to have met you. I have no question your potential and your destiny. Your life will be great because of what an amazing person you are... and rather than clip your wings, I encourage you to fly. Fly to limits you thought impossible, fly amongst the stars, and shine. Shine with every bit of light that radiates from you. Good luck, from the bottom of my heart. I love you.

Life is a series of moments. relish in them. Soak and bask in the sunshine while it beams down on you. For soon it will be gone. Live right now. it is the darkness that helps us to appreciate the light. I shall not curse you darkness. I'll merely recognize your importance as I begin to see the light.

I'm thankful for my friends, family, and all the blessings I have in my life. I can't describe how much i appreciate every single one of you that care about me. Thank you.

I think this blog has probably met it's end as well. A wonderful chapter in my life, but I will probably be starting a new blog. To my dedicated readers, I bid you adieu, and will keep you apprised of how you can continue to follow my unentertaining and random cross section of my brain. Good night.

Goodbye kisses to you all.

stream of conceited conscientiousness.

I guess it's that time again. First off... Any time you start with a first, I guess that means there's going to be a last... I want to be your last first 70's iconic music band covered in face paint. They're probably playing in the capital of germany, but a girl in an attic comes before all that happens. Let's not clown around though. let's not dilly dali. you are my salvador. I am the patron saint of lost causes. Maybe I'm the patron saint of lost effects. Eh, Either way, it doesn't affect me. positive affect on the other hand, has a great effect. one month. 31 days 5/8 (three minus one is 2. five from eight is 3. 3 + 2 = 5). something hive. trolley 4 sided polygon. want a cracker. or perhaps a barrel of oil. artists can use fish as paint brushes. talk about an upside. neglect the ecosystem being turned upside down. and watchout coral reefs. They better not contaminate those coral eyes.
but que sera sera. drill baby drill. but more innuendo is what i'm after. rhymes with nintendo (ish). 64 is 8 squared. and it's the square root of 4096. that math was done on ambien. may want to check it. ooh, i want to go to a real salt lake game. should be fun. I need new blue socks :( the word lunatic comes from the belief that insanity was induced by the "lunar cycle" buy now, you're probably wondering about embedded commands. but i'm in bed. I command you not to ask. don't tell. can they change the name to the black house... just to piss the racist people off? is that racist for me to say. shit. but it's coo. what clucks and challenges yes we can? A solution to health care. maybe her slogan should be yes we clan! Talk to your health care provider. provide her with insurance so she can ensure you get your proper care. metaphysically speaking I am but a collection of perceptions that changes from moment to moment. I wonder what I'll be doing a minute and a half from now. I wonder what topic I'll be on. I hope it's hot. like a dog. just kidding. that's bull. chevy nova. chevy no va. such an awesome english to spanish marketing oversight. I think i have undersight. i need new glasses. preferably ones that are half-full and rose colored. or that have cute little pixies on them or fiery embers. hindsight isn't 20/20. i think that's just stupid. I think it's probably more like 20/10. I mean seriously... think of it. if it's only 20/20... you're not very bright. Everybody who doesn't have an energy efficient light bulb in every possible place one could go... please go do that now. It will even save you money. Ray allen shot 11 3s. made 8. sounds like mayday. but it isn't a parade, or a magazine. it's june law and the semester abroad. brand new shout out to any of you that took a viagra before reading this... it's probably the only way you can keep up. but the upkeep is costly. costcoly. that is less costly. luna, esta a little bit better. but i am bien silly. I did so much today. missed a certain xx like crazy. y you ask? she may be perfection personified. I'm a perfectionist. actually i'm just perfect. okay. I concede. that's a little conceited. Is the first person to sit down during a standing ovation an asshole, or an innovator? hmm. I wonder. like alice in _____ land. ? space. francis is surely a sage. discography. graphology. for profit or for fun. for prophet or for fun. suppose it is my bed time. i want to go to noro. put my vices that you stole in a jar, fill it at the bottom with a bride covered in gasoline, hope it doesn't make me sink... or I'll be gone for good. pushing up daisies.
if you've kept up this long, you may have priapism. and that's serious shit. see your doctor. don't poke him in the eye though. if you do, he won't see you. definitely literally. maybe not figuratively. I figure this is literally the second to last sentence of my blog. Last sentence kisses to you all.

3. but still less than 3

three weeks.

I less than three you.

and it seems to be greater than each previous day.

besos.

ai think not.

currently:

-laying next to an angel
-watching house
-feeling sleepy

could life get any better? me thinks not.

sagacious.

It’s been a long and lonely trip but I’m glad that I took it because it was well worth it.
I got to read a couple books and do some research before I reached my verdict.
Never thought that I was perfect. Always thought that I had a purpose.
Used to wonder if I’d live to see my first kiss.

The most difficult thing I ever did was recite my own words at a service
realizing the person I was addressing probably wasn’t looking down from heaven.
Or cooking up something in hell’s kitchen, trying to listen in or eaves drop from some another dimension.
It was self serving just like this is.

Conveniently religious on Easter Sunday and on Christmas.
The television went from being a babysitter to a mistress.
Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance,
’til we just stayed distant and never touched. Now all we do is text too much.

I don’t remember much from my youth. Maybe my memory is repressed.
Or I just spent too much time wondering if I’d live to have sex.
Fell in love for the first time in 4th grade but I didn’t have the courage to talk to her.
In 8th grade I wrote her the note but I slipped it in someone else’s locker.

Considered killing myself ’cause of that.
It was a big deal. It was a blown cover.
It was over for me. My goose was cooked.
Stick a fork it me. The jig is up.
I blew my chances, the rest is history, our future was torn asunder.
It became abundantly clear that I was only brought here to suffer.

At least I didn’t include my name.
Thankfully I wrote the whole note in code
and it had 10 layers of scotch tape safety seal making it impossible to open.
Plus, it was set to self destruct.
Whoever read it probably died…laughing.
I wonder if they lived long enough to realize what happened.

A year later, I came to understand that wasn’t love that I was feeling for her.
I had someone else to obsess over.
I was older. I was very mature.
I forged my time signature while practicing my parents autograph ’cause I was failing math.
Disconnected the phone when I thought the teacher would call my home.

I checked the mailbox twice a day at the end of a long dirt road.
Steamed open a couple envelopes like I was in private detective mode.
If you snoop around long enough for something in particular you’re guaranteed to find it.
For better or worse that’s how I learned that it’s best to just keep some things private.

It was the best of times. It was the end of times.

It was the best of times. It was the end of times.
I was always on deck, I was next in line.
An only child with a pen and pad writing a list of things that I could never have.
The walls in my house were paper thin.
Every squabble seemed to get deafening.
If my memory serves me correctly I made it a point to void and forget some things.
Probably to keep from being embarrassed.
Never meant to upset or give grief to my parents.
Kept my secrets…hid my talents…
in my head, never under the mattress.

Therapy couldn’t break me.
Never learned a word that would insure safety.
So I spoke softly and I tip toed often.
The door to my room was like a big old coffin.
The way that it creeked when I closed it shut.
Anxieties peaked when it opened up.
As if everything that I was thinking would be exposed.
I still sleep fully clothed.

It was the best of times. It was the end of times.

It was beautiful.
It was brutal.
It was cruel.
It was business as usual.

Heaven. It was hell.
Used to wonder if I’d live to see 12.

When I did I figured that I was immortal.
Loved to dance but couldn’t make it to the formal.
Couldn’t bear watching my imaginary girlfriend
bust a move with any other dudes.

Tone Loc was talking bout a “Wild Thang”
but I was still caught up in some child thangs.
Scared of a God who couldn’t spare the rod.
It was clearly a brimstone and fire thang.

Pyromaniac. Kleptomaniac.
Couldn’t explain my desire to steal that fire.
Now I add it to my rider.
Like “Please oh please don’t throw me in that patch of brier!”

It was the best of times. It was the end of times.

The school counselor was clueless ’cause I never skipped classes.
Perfect attendance. Imperfect accent.
Speech impediment they could never really fix
and I faked bad eyesight so I could wear glasses.

Considered doing something that would cripple me.
I wanted a wheelchair. I wanted the sympathy.
I wanted straight teeth so then came braces.
4 years of head gear helped me change faces.

It was the best of times. It was the end of times.

Now I wonder if I’ll live to see marriage.
Wonder if I’ll live long enough to have kids.
Wonder if I’ll live to see my kids have kids.
If I do I’m gonna tell ‘em how it is.

“Don’t listen when they tell you that these are your best years.
Don’t let anybody protect your ears.
It’s best that you hear what they don’t want you to hear.
It’s better to have pressure from peers than not have peers.
Beer won’t give you chest hair. Spicy food won’t make it curl.
When you think you’ve got it all figured out and then your universe collapses…
trust me, kid… it’s not the end of the world.”

if at first you don't succeed. try five times. it works.

5 is a lucky number. for a few reasons now. cryptic i suppose, but i think anybody that matters knows. in the embers lies a rose. a pixie taking flight, coral eyes that shine so bright. 5 and 8 or 5 and 7 but late. It marks a new beginning. I'm not sure that much could stop this grinning. tehe. don't take ambien and write.

On a serious note. great 5 days. thanks 5. thank you also to "number 5" who is number five question mark, space.

flow like a bot kids. stefan stefan i before e, time is up. isn't time bad. isn't ing bad. depends on which side of the hourglass you are on i suppose. to all you that watch the sands slip through the cracks of time... let me remind you, some day it runs out. give a joyous shout! relish in the sand, walk barefoot through it hand in hand.

i'm not an authority, there's 8 sections though, and hopefully it pans out, or boxes or bottles out, or some container. but you can't contain her. or me. I am a bird that has been set free. and so is she. who knows how long we'll return to sea* only captive in the coral reefs, and more belated with the captive ignore for whom something tolls though and I think you'll get the picture. (but perhaps not the pitcher, decanter, siren song enchanter).

kale, sea. it's ironic that it takes a kill for you to see. but i suppose... c'est la vie. would anyone care for some brie? too bad. don't whine about it though. that's just cheesy. talk about cheesy. lol. i'm chuck middle initial e. last name queso. smother me! i feel so used. oh well. tomorrow i have a feeling things will be brand new, or somebody will at least be there who saves the day. um. go fliers. yay for opposite over adjacent. heart. meet book. book, are you a metaphor? who knows. your chakra glows, like a bakers dozen of a rose. plus some negative german always expressing disdain. ring around the roses, pocket full of... oh cock.... i don't know how the rest of the song goes. something about ashes. I prefer embers though. the way they glow and light up the avenue, the roads, or especially a different type of street. um well, there's a battery of things for me to get to. don't linger where the moss slowly grows. under where you ask? don't be an airhead. you're sweet like ened condensed milk. i feel something in my heart. i think it's a mass.age will do that to you. perhaps we better opera.te que sera sera. bear with me. i'm not monkeying around. i think my heart pumps for you. at least enough to fill up a part of henry's vision. to nic(k). i hope you enjoy your friend. ginger cleanses your palate sure... but it doesn't take einstein to figure out that a confederacy of dunces will always take the cake. it's tan like coffee flavored pastry. the trick is to be subtle. but sometimes you just want to end the game ers omething like that. but then again, this isn't game. 5. thank you, regardless, of what happens. i'll never be the same. oh p.s. number 5. i am definitely not the first part of the us nerve. you are! and i shan't explain any of this. no matter how hard you try to convince me. never! but guess what 5. I absofuckinglutely adore you. and am sure you'll figure some of it out. so so cute you damn, clever, witty, enchanting, beautiful, amazingly sweet, fun caring, too good to be true thing!

ki55e5. <---- best one ever 5.

i wrote this awhile ago... i never write about myself, so i figured i'd publish it.

I am tenacious, intelligent, and driven.
I have a firm belief that i can accomplish
anything I set my mind to.
I come across as confident.. and I am.
I don't think I'm better than anybody, but I'm
proud of the person I am.
I have strong convictions. they don't waiver.
I have strong opinions, but they're flexible.
I don't discount anyone else's point of view.
I respect it, and truly believe that sometimes
there can be two right answers to a question
depending on your reality. You can argue
opposing positions and both be right.
I like to read non-fiction. Truth be told, I'm a
nerd. I love to learn. I speak Spanish, Italian,
and Chinese, and I'd like to learn a couple more
languages in the near future.
I have direction in my life. I know what I want,
and I try not to stray from that path. That being
said, I definitely stop to smell the flowers so
to speak. I understand that life isn't about the
destination, but rather the journey.
I pride myself on my ability to be honest,
dependable, sincere, and thoughtful.
One of my best qualities is my ability to be
relatively honest with myself. I recognize my
strengths, but I'm also aware of my weaknesses.
Everyday, I try to utilize my strengths, and
improve my weaknesses. I strive to be a better
person every day.
I'm very perceptive. I pay attention to the
smallest of details, and i'm constantly
incorporating them to get a detailed picture
of a person's personality. Not many people
surprise me. I'm simple. It doesn't take much
to please me. I get along with most everybody,
and I can have fun doing just about anything.
I am usually a social hub for my friends.
They typically call me, and I organize most times
we do something. I love to do all sorts of shit.
opera, paintball, salsa. whatever.
I think that most pretty women are shallow
and petty. Just because you're covered in makeup
and bursting out of your dress doesn't mean
you're entitled to shit. If you aren't a good
person, or you aren't nice, kind, or humble, being
attractive doesn't do absolutely anything for me.
so don't waste your time

I'm a series of dichotomous personality traits.
I'm super spontaneous, but pragmatic and reserved
Sometimes I come across as shy, sometimes I am
the absolute life of the party.
Some people swear I'm the nicest person I've ever
met. Others contend that I'm a complete prick.
I'm trusting, but not naive.
I'm strong in my convictions, but not judgmental
or didactic.
I'm a perfectionist. But I'm lazy.
I have to be the best at everything I do,
but I try to do that with as little effort as
possible.
I'm a big momma's boy. she is the nicest person
in the world. I would lay down on a train track
for her.
I also love animals. I've been vegetarian for
the latter half of my life. If i see a dog.
chances are I'll stop and pet it. I, personally,
have an english bulldog. his name is little
prince cassanova. and he is adorable.
I have a very small family. One brother, a mom,
a dad, and a sister in law.
No grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles
really to speak of. I am super close to
the family I do have. and I'm blessed to have
them. I also have some amazing friends.
I like to associate myself with positive,
goal-oriented, selfless, ambitious individuals.
It just makes life fun and easy.
I'm terribly unphotogenic. I am cuter than I
look in most pictures.
I love to laugh, and a sense of humor is very
important to me. Life is fun, enjoy it. laugh
at yourself, by yourself, or with others.
I am driven. I have goals, and no matter the
adversity thrown my way, I will get back up,
dust myself off, and persevere.
I love music. My ipod is ridiculously random though.
I have a broad taste of music. from classical
to underground hip hop, to hardcore, and everything
in between. (with the exception of most country).
I can't swim.
I love sports.
I have a hot rod, it's cute.
I've been known to be ridiculously silly
despite being a very mature person.
I'm grounded, but I'm always reaching for the stars.
I'm an optimist. I view things in terms of positive
attributes, not negatives. i'd be more apt to say
a glass is 2% full than 98% empty.
I value responsible, caring people with their
head on straight.
I love people that are musically or artistically
gifted. I admire them immensely. Unfortunately,
I am neither of those :(
I'm taoist
I was my high school valedictorian,

I'm a selfless, caring, and kind person. But I
won't let anybody walk on me. I love helping people,
but I have the self confidence to stick
up for myself If I need to..

people say I'm a good listener. I think I just
pretend to be ;)

I'm sarcastic, and light-hearted. It's not very
easy to make me mad, and I'm not the type of
person that people get mad at usually.

I believe respect, communication, and compromise
are valuable tools, and I try to employ them
in my life as often as possible.

I love creme brulee. I love italian food and
mexican food. Indian food and thai food too.
Not a big chinese fan, but all and all I'm not
picky.

I have been blessed to lead a fortunate life.
but I am constantly grateful, and humble,
and not a day goes by that I don't stop and
appreciate all the good fortune life has thrown
my way.
...
creme brulee and kisses. delish.

elections, erections, and the big "o+"

elections, erections, and the big "o+"

October 5th is the most common birthday in the us (consequently, that would put conception at new year's eve).

I read an obscure hypothesis that blood type correlates to personality. Legend has it that Type A is calm and trustworthy; Type B is creative and excitable; Type AB is thoughtful and emotional; and Type O is a confident leader.
O+ is the most common blood type at 37%
A+ is second with 34%

homosexual men have larger genitalia than heterosexual men on average.
men with more older brother's are more likely to be gay.

51 % of women prefer to have sex with the lights off
27% of men prefer to have sex with the lights off.

harry houdini died on halloween.

halloween was a lot of fun. Thanks Whit and Taylor...

a few key elections coming up... looks grim :( sad face.

if you haven't seen the show community, you should stop what you are doing right now (okay, when my blog is done), and go watch it on the hulu or something.

I miss playing baseball. sad. i want a mini cooper with the steering wheel on the other side.

venus vs mars by jay z is so good... and so is never knew you by cage. listen to them.

i'm not sleepy, but i should be. i'm going to try. ciao

good luck kisses to you all.

smile. and enjoy it damnit.

I love shit like this. three cheers for paul eckman. I mean five cheers?

enjoyment smile: five distinct markers differentiate the enjoyment smile from other types of smiles: the presence of orbicularis oculi action in conjunction with the zygomatic major (Duchenne's smile), symmetrical action of the zygomatic major on both sides of the face, zygomatic major actions which are smooth and not irregular, duration of zygomatic major action that is consistent from one enjoyment smile to the next, and synchronous action of the zygomatic major and the orbicularis oculi such that they reach maximal contraction at about the same time.

fable-u-ous.

The Scorpion and the Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

p-p-p-poker face

An essay I wrote about stud hi/lo about ten years ago. It was geared to beginners, keep in mind that depending on game situations, ante, player skill, table image, etc. these things can be modified accordingly. given those caveats, it's pretty good advice in general. take it for what it's worth.

1: Rolled Up:
always play. typically always play 9-k's with a raise unless a lower high card has raised you (say a queen) and you have kkk... then you may want to just call. But raising with a high door card, most people will only give you credit for a pair, not trips... so you don't lose anything by raising. a-8 you need to play based on the players at the table. slowplaying them is deceptive, but allows you to be drawn out on more easily (especially with 2-6)so, pay attention to your table conditions.

2: 3 low to a straight flush:
these hands are very very good hands. because of their strong potential in both directions, and the fact that they are big drawing hands, they play very very very well in multi-way pots. therefore, you should usually just call with them in early position, but if you are in late position and there are already people in, you should go ahead and raise. this is a very powerful hand

3: AA-baby:
this hand is a very powerful hand as well, but it's value is in pots with a few opponents. It is very very powerful heads up. you should typically raise or reraise with this hand in an effort to get it heads up, or limit the field as much as possible.

4: 3 baby to a straight:
this is a great hand that plays well multi-way. the more live, and the more connected your straight, the better. 345 is much better than 245 with a couple of dead threes.

5: A-baby-baby:
these hands are strong. you have a chance at spiking an ace and winning high (and sometimes even ace high will be good enough to take down the high if you are up against just a person going low). You can also make a low hand. the versatility of this hand makes it strong. a lot of people recommend raising with this hand if your ace is your door card (and I don't disagree). I would raise with this hand a good majority of the time. it will add deception to your game (since people won't know when you have aces or just two babies with an ace. also, it is typically nice to raise because you have a powerful hand, and you don't mind putting money in the pot. again, pay attention to how live your cards are (straight, low, and pair cards)

6: Pair higher than anyone's door card:
hands like split queens and split kings play best heads up or as short-handed as possible. If an ace raises before you, you should probably fold this hand almost every time. also, be careful on later streets because a lot of people will be playing hands with an ace in them. So if somebody catches an ace, proceed with caution (don't fold automatically, but be very aware of the fact that they very well could have hit a pair with the ace they caught.

7: 3 to a straight flush:
this hand is a decent holding. make sure your cards are live both flush and straight. These hands are not as good in low ante games. also, they play best against a lot of opponents. be careful playing these hands. get away from them if you catch bad or if your cards are/become dead.

8: Baby pair + A:
This hand isn't terribly strong, but it is definitely playable. it prefers to be played heads up against a hand that's going high. Also, you must consider how live your cards are. you want your pair and your ace to be very live.

9: Baby pair + low:
this hand isn't too strong, and I think a lot of people play it incorrectly and end up losing money with it. the ideal conditions for this hand are having a straight flush kicker i.e a hand like 5c5h6h and having very live straight cards and three of a kind cards. also, if you catch bad, you want to get away from the hand immediately, and if it appears you are behind in both directions get out. however, that being said, a hand like 7h 7c 6c against a single opponent with a low door card who appears to be going low is very good.

10: 3 to a 7 low:
be very careful playing this hand. if it is a primarily one way hand, you can get yourself in a lot of trouble. i.e 267 is not a very good hand at all. the only time you really would want to play these are against a few opponents that are obviously going high. I would toss these away otherwise. it can be very tempting to stick with them, but you are basically only drawing at the low and you will have a very difficult time backing into some kind of high hand. not only that, but you are drawing at a pretty crappy low in the first place (a 7 low is in no ways a quality low)

11: 3 to an 8 low:
same thing as above, but even worse. you don't want to play 8s all that often. if there are other lows in there, you are certainly behind. I would never play an eight unless I had some other things working for it... i.e three to a straight, 3 to a flush, or at very worst an ace as one of my three low cards. even then, proceed with caution, if there are other lows out there, they are almost certainly drawing better than you. don't get trapped chasing half of the pot with a bad draw.
a hand like 238 is garbage.

12: 3 to a flush (2 babies):
not a bad hand, the bigger the ante and the more opponents in the pot the better typically. your flush cards need to be live. also, the better your babies, the better. having an ace also makes your hand much much stronger... since you can pair it and have a pretty good high hand.

13: 3 to a high straight:
vomit. don't play it

14: Baby pair + big kicker:
if I was last to act and in a tight game on a steal, maybe... but 99% of the time, no

15: 3 to a middle straight:
not bad if you are playing against only high hands. since you can back into a low and salvage half the pot or make a straight and win the high. make sure your straight cards are very live. also, I wouldn't even think of playing this hand if there was any low cards call the bring in or are yet to act. it is not a very strong hand at all. however, if a king calls, a queen calls, a jack calls, and everyone folds to you in last position and you have 789... it's a good spot to call. but other than that, don't play them

continued

-When people that don't know me try to talk to me about poker. You don't know what you are talking about. Please just leave me alone.



-people who pronounce etc. as "ex cetera." It's et cetera. don't make me aks you again.

-incense

-why is the word panic in hispanic? that's just anglo-centric racism O.o

-when people say "antisocial" when they mean "asocial"

-when somebody takes the last slice, piece, or part of something. If there is only one of something left in a group, and you take it... chances are, you're a selfish bag of douche.

-when people say atm machine. You're going to the automated teller machine machine? Oh! awesome... don't forget your personal identification number number.

-people who talk shit about other people. (those people are fuckers O.o)

-rich white men that are anti-abortion.

-mushrooms. bleh.


some of my favorites:
when somebody says what flavor is that candle.
when people misuse literally.
dogs that wave.
polite people.

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.

I try to be a very positive person. I try to resist the temptation to view people in terms of their weaknesses rather than their strengths. I try not to force my views down people's throats... it's not typically my style. All that being said. This blog shall be random rude/incendiary statements, crass observations I make, pet peeves, annoyances, or controversial views that I don't expect anybody to agree with. However, in keeping with "Lane" tradition... I'm sure it will be disorganized, scatterbrained, and tangential.

fashion:
-Don't wear brown and black together. it doesn't match. if you wear a black shirt, don't wear brown shoes or a brown belt. brown shirt... no black belt or black shoes. Mild exceptions of course. but to me... a nauseating fashion faux pas.

-Sticking in the realm of fashion, flip flops. especially on heterosexual men. They look stupid, and most people have ugly, horribly maintained feet. There's no place on my retina for that shit. please stop.

-I think that you should be able to wear fur... however, I think that if you do, people should be allowed to pet you.

-white socks. personal pet peeve... but for most outfits, dress socks look much classier. upgrade if you haven't kids.

-untucked shoelaces. tuck your shoelaces in. it looks neat, prim, and proper. tacky long "bunny ears" protruding from your pants look tacky and messy.

okay. grammar and spelling:
-don't say guess what? It is not a question. it's a fucking command. either use an exclamation point or a period. question mark = no.

-spell definitely right. it is definitely not spelled definately.

-don't say I'm nauseous if you feel like you are going to throw up. say you're nauseated. if you say i'm nauseous, it means you induce nausea in others. (unfortunately... saying i'm nauseous is becoming more acceptable just because everybody fucks it up).

-their, they're, there. their indicates possesioon. It is their dildo. they're is a contraction for they are. They're dildos. and there indicates a location. "Ah! There is my dildo!"

-your and you're. your indicates possession. examples... that is your dildo. vs. you're a dildo.

-WhEn PeOpLe TyPe LiKe ThIs... EnOuGh SaId.

-when I leave and somebody says drive safe.. it's drive safely. Adverbs are your friends. They won't bite.

-when people pronounce dissect as "disect" Disect means to cut into two pieces. If that's what you mean... great, say it. Otherwise, use dissect.

Politics (I'll keep it brief and superficial)
-when people say things that are just blatantly untrue. You are entitled to your own opinion, but you shouldn't just make up things and pretend they are true. You can't say the sky is green when it's blue. It's just untrue... and I'm sick of people making political arguments while asserting "the sky is green." It's blue. that's just a fact.

-the notion that republicans say we need the government out of our lives as far as finances, healthcare, etc. goes. They profess we shouldn't be told what to do... However, for some reason... the government all the sudden should be able to tell us what we are allowed to do when it comes to morality (abortion, gay rights, etc. etc.) Either say you want big government or little. Don't pretend like our freedom would be crushed if the government regulated finances or healthcare, and then espouse out of the other side of your mouth, that the government needs to regulate how people should act in a moral context.

etc. etc. on that topic. i could go on for days.

People:
-Be punctual. Live up to your word. If you say you are going to hang out... unless an unforeseen important obligation comes up, you should be there if you say you are going to be. And if you say you will be there at 8. be there by 8. Say what you mean. It's just disrespectful otherwise.

-People that lie. Tell the truth. live with integrity.

-pretty girls that think their looks are enough for them to be entitled to everything. News flash. pretty girls are a dime a dozen. If you aren't kind, thoughtful, or a good person, you deserve nothing but a reality check. fix your makeup, and show some more cleavage.

-People that say objectifying things about women, or treat them with total disrespect. I guess it's just the feminist in me. ;)

-hypocrites.

pet peeves:

... shit i was going to go on for a while longer, but apparently when you are 27 you get tired as shit. so i'm going to sleep.

old kisses and birhday wishes.

pps. I think the idea of "black"mailing a person from the kkk is hilarious. Not to condone the act, but the sentence itself is very funny.

Did I stutter? happy fucking birthday!

I go to sleep now. somebody remind me to wish camrann a happy birthday today.

cccciao, kkkkkiisssses. i have a stutter :(

holi rabbit shit fetish! (let's be honest)

what a glorious day today was. :)

happy birthday when you wake up andrew.

I went to the holi festival saturday. It was a wonderful, colorful, (asthmatic at times) experience. I looked as if I dry humped a clown. Not just a light, casual, dry hump... but a full on, animalistic, rabbits on methamphetamines, marathon session dry hump. I Crowd surfed... aka crowd "got thrown on my head." My bath tub is green now. I think if you look closely enough, I may still be breathing faint purple vapors. My pants, ripped. My Youngstown tshirt, defiled beyond recognition. My Chucks, from dull black to vibrant orange. All in all, a grand old time though.

Saturday went to fetish night at area... um interesting.. Whatever paddles your canoe I suppose... or something like that.

I ordered a new laptop today... finadamnly. I was all productive and such today in general. Lots of shit accomplished. four cheers for me. I turn 27 in less than a week (easter). crazy. stupid. dumb. ***here's a helpful hint: If you're thinking of giving Lane a birthday present, perhaps you should go with some viagra, a can of ensure, a walker, hearing aids, or some metamucil.***

I am supposed to go to a lesbian "wedding" friday. I have to find something nice to wear. le fuck.

Everybody have a good good friday friday.. I enjoy that sentence. 8)

caramel cadbury kisses.

interesting fact of the day:
29 percent of men, 9 percent of women say they’ve had 15 or more partners
Sexploration — By Brian Alexander


and a fabulous quote for good measure:

"it is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness."

a little off-color

It's not black and white. I'm green with envy, but tickled pink about it. You yellow bellied ingrate, you're white as a ghost. you'll be seeing red soon. You're a blacklisted, black sheep, with a black eye from the black market. I guess it's time for me to raise the white flag, and roll out the red carpet. You've been given the green light to paint the town red. It's out of the blue, but the grass is always greener on the other side... I'm a red herring, or perhaps A red-eye flight at the bottom of the deep blue sea with no black box in sight. I suppose today is your red letter day. I would say it's your scarlet letter day, but not through your rose colored glasses. I don't want to hear your excuses. Talk until your blue in the face, I see your true colors. white lies to whitewash your emotional blackmail. You've been caught red-handed, the case is black and white. so under this pitch-black sky I say, "fuck you, and good night."

Etaoin shrdlu... dhiatensor, vigenere, and a side of chow mein for good measure.

I read a lot about ciphers, codes, and cryptology today. That's the field I should have pursued. Not only do I find it enjoyable, but I'm really good at it. ETAOIN SHRDLU. that, in order, are the most commonly used letters in the English language.
the letters DHIATENSOR can be used to form 70% of the words in the English language. other interesting topics semi-related to codebreaking, letter frequency, etc. are Zipf's law, different, more "efficient typewriters" the colemak typewriter... Estimated that there are only about 3000 Colemak users worldwide. (Jan 1st 2009) and the qgmlwb keyboard layout. one of which I think that i want to learn. I also want to check out the website lifehacker.com . this blog is scattered. i read about a ton of interesting stuff today. and i keep topic-jumping from, to, and then back again. i will maybe fix this blog so it's readable someday. maybe not. also, the vigenere cipher is coo. It's a method to convert text into a secret code. I dig it. In fact. I will write the following sentence in normal language, then code it using a vigenere cipher and the code word chowmein: "I did not go to chinese class today. I am a lazy person. le shit. Oh well. I studied it for a bit and was productive, so all is good. I do not really have anything else to write. I guess by writing that, I kind of negated what I said. Oh well. I think that butter is overrated. Brownies, and penguins are underrated. The end" and now made into a secret mystical code... "KKWZZ SBTQA CYTMV RULQH MWAGQ KOUUE UNNHN UBIZF QUZAE LQGQO KAXPQ FVBRE QHQGH VFWNM BNPKK WETZB FBQPU ZMFQH ZHUWO BQKWZ ARWGT LOHXC PNXLO JKXPV PNSHE IBBYY WPQMO HGZGX KAZVV PBCFL IGKRW JPSNA GNOPQ HEUCA WOMML BJDSH XMBUK UYPTE BOWAH ADMAB XLFNM XMQDY CSZMM FCURL QROHK UGWDI CAFLF NMXMQ VOSAZ H"

awesome. Back to random, out of place cool things to look at if you have free time: youtube video of bears playing hockey, youtube video of myotonic goats, the video for David Ford's song "go to hell" Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and the book "A Void" to name a few. I think that's all. I need to recount my recent trip to California soon. but alas, time does not permit.

keyword "lane"
VIFWP S

bye bye bayh.

I pledge frustration to the flag, of the divided states of america. and to the republican filibuster for which it falls, one nation, under minority control, divisible, with liberty and justice for few.

Senator Bayh resigned. I can't say that I'm sad. He justified his decision because of the partisan politics that have engulfed our capital. It would be an honorable move if he wasn't one of the primary problems in the legislative process. Thanks for helping to kill health care ass. The political climate has changed... (ha climate change)... I am getting super tired of hearing things like "how's that hopey-changey stuff workin' out for ya?" People and retards like Sarah Palin (satirically speaking), miss the obvious picture. Anybody that blames Obama for a lack of political progress is naive. He is only one of the three prongues of power that make up our system of governance. The supreme court has been utter shit... but we'll leave them out of it for the moment. The real problem is congress... and more specifically... the senate. If anybody wants to castigate the administration for not enacting broad, comprehensive programs to fix our nation, they shouldn't point at Obama, but rather at the senate. Obama may be cast as the black sheep (how fitting considering the racial undertones of right-wing radicalism)... but in truth, you really can't blame him for much of the problem. The legislation he proposes... legislation that he campaigned on, is being held up by a unanimous republican opposition (despite the facts of the issue)... and a few democratic senators in the pockets of major lobbyist, that don't want to bite the hand... or perhaps "hook" that feeds them. If Obama was monarch, these problems would not be the same. they may be worse... they may be better... but not the same... assigning the blame to Obama is ridiculous. If what he had proposed had passed and failed... sure.. castigate, vehemently disagree, shout socialism and mao and all that propagandist bullshit at the top of your blue-bleeding lungs... but if you look at the real world... that's not the case. Obama is a mere scapegoat, for something he whole-heartedly tries to fix. Obama WAS elected by a 52% to a 46% margin. and he promised change. what's the problem? Apparently, now... unlike any other time in our history, having a strong majority like 52 to 46 percent at the polls and 60 (59) to 40 (41) in the senate doesn't mean shit. Now, you need a full 3/5 of the senate to be on board for anything to get done. Considering the republicans; numbering just 1 member over the 2/5 margin needed to slow congress to a halt, have vowed to oppose anything that obama proposes... congress has been rendered useless. Disagreement is fine. But who the fuck disagrees with themselves. that's just rifuckingdiculous. There are many cases of republican senators cosponsoring and endorsing a bill... but then ending up voting AGAINST it, once Obama has said it's a good idea. How can you promote legislation as imperative... and then vote against it once it becomes politically advantageous to oppose it? Really. Republicans. Get over yourselves. There is a fuck load to be done... and if you can't find one ounce of metaphorical agreement from a metaphorical ton of proposed legislation, you are fucking worthless. To unilaterally oppose nearly all legislation obama endorses, whether you believe in it or not, is absolutely destroying our country. Difference of opinion is fantastic. but this shit is ridiculous. Clearly there is some shit that needs to be taken care of. I don't care if you make a teeny tiny baby step... but make a FUCKING step. You are the minority party. you got your asses handed to you in the 2008 elections... for you to think that what you aspouse is some sort of infallible doctrine is absurd. People were unenamored by your policies, that's why 52% of the people voted for obama. they wanted change... and when 52% of a populace wants change, they should get it... that is democracy. Demanding 60% is tyranny by the minority, and it does absolutely nothing but harm our country like a festering parasite feeding opportunistically on whatever scrap of food (political points) it can get it's grubby little hands on. seriously. i'm sure you agree on some things... get them done... and if you don't agree on anything... listen to the american people. if 51% of them agree, perhaps think of looking into that issue a little bit... that's democracy in action. Democracy is not some tired, pharmaceutically financially backed politician, standing up for the minority because of their unproportionate influence. a majority is a majority. At least allow things to go to a vote. phil... you're a buster. somebody get rid of the fucking thing. it's become absurd. I've seen better accomplishments in a blind dart throwing contest. Quit pretending there aren't areas of agreement, quit distorting the facts. Find what you DO agree on... and fix that. Clearly our system is broken. I'm not one to say I have all the answers... but clearly some answers are so self-evident, that the obstruction of them is ridiculous, shameful, and ultimately contributing to the downfall of our society. Get off your asses. reconcile differences. find agreements, and let's fix some shit. And for god, allah, Buddha, or Vishnu's sake... quit blaming obama. this shit is completely out of his hands. it's up to you congress... and more specifically you senators. Quit having pissing contest, quit comparing the sizes of your dicks, quit standing on pseudo-principle instead of what's best for your constituents. get your head out of your ass (not the demorcratic ass)... and fucking do something.

Let's not forget how disproportionately the senate represents the US. I am not one to say that it is bad I understand the reasoning behind it... but... two senators from each state get to represent the state... regardless of population.. that means small little states like utah, wyoming, idaho etc, have the same clout as new york, california, and illinois. I understand the reason for doing this... but at some point, you have to look back and realize that the senate is not even close to a fair reflection of the populace as a whole. The majority of people live in states represented by democratic senators... it is the republican senators with very few constituents that seem to be the hold up. A senator from a district that has 800,000 people gets the same legislative say as a senator from a district of tens of millions of people. there's a reason for this, sure... but to deny that the minority has entirely too much control... which they use for obstructionist means... is irrefutable.

side note. Dick Cheney has said that he thinks the waterboarding of "enemy combatants" terrorists, etc... is a-okay. Well, I don't pretend to know what is okay or not okay... however... I do know this. Many countries. England, Spain, and a host of arabic countries think that dick cheney is an enemy combatant.. that he unlawfully tortured prisoners, and committed war crimes. My idea is that Cheney gets to keep his firm beliefs that waterboarding is okay... the only caveat being... that anybody that sees him as a terrorist or enemy combatant, has the exact same right to waterboard him and use extreme interrogation at their will. He agrees to that for him... and perhaps even his republican shill family... then I'm totally oaky with him being for it. There are many people out there that think he is just as bad as some of the terrorist... unless they are afforded the opportunity to waterboard him, i don't think it's fair for him to remain so resolute in his stance. Once he gets waterboarded a few times... I may reconsider my stance. furthermore, If he can be arrested, and not granted the rights of habeus corpus... then maybe I'll look to suspending the other people's rights as well. He is hardly an expert on terror policy. His terrorist program diluted troops in the most critical battleground, lost face for the nation, and cost us billion, if not trillions of dollars, and thousands of lives... then he has the audacity to go after obama for his methodology for approaching our international wars and conflicts. Obama has done more to secure our nation, rhetorically, militarily,and diplomatically than bush/cheney in the past eight years. We are almost out of Iraq. we've made tremendous headway in afghanistan, even capturing the taliban's number two. I don't care if you have a debate... but for god, allah, or krishna's sake... don't make up facts. it's just plain stupid, ignorant, and incendiary.

whatever. I'm disillusioned at the moment, ignore my pontification... if one lesson is to be taken though... obama isn't to fault for the lion-share of what people fault him for. He has no control over the fickle senate that filibusters nearly every damn bill. what the hell is he supposed to do if he can't use senate in the way they were intended to be used?

chinese was good.
zhongwen ke hen haole.

i have much more to write about, but it seems that I am not going to.
favorite movie: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
favorite song at the moment: underoath "moving for the sake of motion"
current favorite tv show (aside from house): burn notice

I like being pretty sometimes... it really seems to play to my advantage.
I played a little bit of poker in the last few days. go me.
I've learned to write some chinese characters. I dislike canteloupe completely.
same with that other shitty fruit like it. honeydew? some sort of mellon? i don't remember.. i lose. it's cause i'm hen lei. le fuck. i go to sleep.

besmotherfuckingos.

60 arches, dead horses in ice castles for valentines day, and chinese people lighting fireworks for former american presidents.

Shit blog. oh well...

Mom's 60th birthday on the 13th. We went to arches national park and dead horse something etc. I had never been down to Moab, so it was quite a treat :) I took over 1200 pictures in one day. Eek. excited to photoshop them. or pretend that i know how to photoshop them. Night before went and saw the ice castles in midway. fucking awesome. everyone should go before they melt. chinese new year the 14th. zhu ni xin nian kuaile (happy chinese new year). You're supposed to eat fish and tangerines, and wear red and such. Oh, and happy valentine's day. I spent mine with an angel. lovely :) and i guess now... happy president's day. No school. awesome. :) i think that is it. cancelled is spelled with two l's and judgment has no e after the g. I do not like the recent trends to make these things okay.

ttyl. xxxoooxxx

whit, wit, this blog is shit. :(

happy birthday whit. Today was an odd, odd day... People are strange. some ignorant, some enigmatic, some complex, some so simple they seem complex. Life on the other hand, pretty straight-forward I think. I've got a grasp on it. My motivation is unparalleled, my brain has been swelling with knowledge, my heart with compassion, my will with resolve. A few people continue to surprise me in a good way. Those people make life fun. My mom, especially. I aspire to be like her daily. Brother too. I'm blessed with a tremendous and inspiring family. My chinese is hen hao. muy bien. molto bene... etc. etc. Tomorrow I will continue down a rewarding and fruitful path. life is good. roommates are good. friends are good. It's fun being pretty too. I'm flattered every time somebody strokes my ego... and i got a good stroking today. that sounds dirty O.o Angela Oh... kick ass. appreciate it. I believe that I shall go to sleep now. ambien.. nice to see you again. what do you say we retreat to the deepest recesses of my mind and enjoy the random, sporadic, unpredictable neuronal firings. Let me learn lessons from the vague, subjective mysteries of chaotic electrical manifestation. Lately, in my dreams, My typical lucidity has evaded me, but complexity has enveloped my brain in contemplative conundrums. I look forward to it. butterfly, flap your wings. hurricane, surge out of control. I embrace you with open arms and an open mind. the future is soon to be far behind. I look forward to looking back on it. but back to the point. Life is full of wonderment. revel in it. This chace won't come again. Today is the only day that exist. learn from yesterday, look forward to tomorrow, but live in the present.

les motherfucking kisses.

deliriously... no seriously. I'm kidding.

when I wake up in the middle of the night, my brain is especially random. I like to write that randomness down. sometimes it rhymes, sometimes it's clever, sometimes it makes no sense, like somebody without change for a dollar (the lion-share of the time it's just nonsensical babbling). I just write whatever comes to my head. enjoy it, or abhor it. either way. read it. if you like it comment. if you dislike it, write a comment saying nice things about how you liked it. it's just silly. I'm silly. like string. a bunch of string sewn together perhaps... So, anywho, without further ado, I bid you adieu.

cue blog entry:

I'ma pick the world up and i'ma drop it on your fucking head.
tou means head in chinese. (pronounced "toe")
silly. string.
gee i'm tired.
hen lei.
Hawaii is silly. but surely i digress, and by digress, i mean not digress. I think you have to have some sort of flow and subject coherence before you digress. Surely I do what was expected and jump tangentially to an unrelated subject?
i go off on tangents like opposite over adjacent.
alas i've grown complacent
nascent.
schmasent.
other word that rhymes.
it's time for thyme.
lemon and lime
punishment for crime.
a nickel for a dime.
one day at a time.
i'm a speaking mime.
speaking of mimes.
it's my dick in a box!
yay for jokes with cocks.
i'm in a glass house. I'm throwing rocks.
steroids is less likely.
let the peasants handle the peasantry.
there's no pleasure in pleasancy.
i can't spell.. what the hell!
is pleasancy even a word?
the bird, bird, bird... the bird is the word.
haven't you heard?
well, if you haven't... the bird is the word.
this blog is... well... swell.
just kidding. good hell.
no seriously, I'm kidding.
how old do you think i am?
cheaters eat pumpkins.
like country bumpkins.
i run like sinuses.
i think it's a sign.
maybe a cosine.
adjacent over hypotenuse.
maybe i'm being obtuse...
or acute.
definitely cute though.
i don't like your angle here.
do you hear me?
i'm shouting in your ear clearly.
clearly there is a spark...
because your pants are on fire Mr. liar
the fire rages on...
against the machine mostly.
you know what i mean.
i'm average like the mean.
I mean, median. actually maybe i'm the mode.
speaking in the most common of codes.
i love toads. and the game frogger.
damnit i'm a shitty blogger. (insert frowny face)
I should roll over and go to bed.
or at least roll over and play dead.
i like playing possum.
it's awesome like blossom.
the 90's sitcom. not a flower bud.
i periodically write random blogs.
like a table.
but no table of contents.
in fact. no contents. or fact for that matter.
but alas, the fact of the matter is that i'm content.
spent too much, now i'm spent.
like a food stamp.
stamped with approval,
removal?
stain... what a random brain.
a plain plane
the main mane
the reign of the rain
a vein, but all in vain.
vanity, my deepest sin.
I look in the mirror,
and fall right in.
narcissus... you're a complex fellow.
I don't want you to develop a complex,
i'm just saying.
it's complicated.
why'd you have to go and be so complicated avril?
take an advil,
and call me in the morning.
stop mourning avril... i'm kidding. seriously..
i think i'll call this blog deliriously.
actually. there's a good probability I probably won't.

hershey's kisses to you all. not the gross hug ones. the kisses. unless you like the hugs ones. If that is the case hershey's hugs to you. hear, hear, here's to you. but i dare say that's hearsay. do you hear what i say?
okay enough. lane and his brain are catching the next train
to sleepytown.

lo mein...
maybe fried noodles.
toodles. ;)

fuck phil (preferably in his eyes with something sharp)

who the hell does this furry fuck Phil think he is? I'm not one for animal cruelty, as many of you know... but somebody should have poked that little bastard in both of his eyes... we'll see how well he sees his shadow then.

Pink's grammy performance was absolutely amazing. wow. I've always been a huge pink fan, and she did nothing to disappoint. again. wow. watch it if you haven't. impressive, beautiful, and seraphic. kudos for stealing the show pink.

my ability to read chinese characters is quickly catching up to my ability to speak chinese. kick ass. I still am not the best at writing them though. Writing characters is as hard as a priest at a boy scout convention. It should count as an art credit as well. le shit. keshi, wo yao lianxi hen duo.

I should be asleep. Am I surprised that I'm not? No... no I am not. Am I sad that I'm not? Yes... yes I am. birthdays are coming up all over the place. whit, brit, my mom. old people are silly (no offense whit, brit, or mom... it's just you are a few of the few that I'm younger than. woot woot.

The Obama Q and A at the republican retreat was absolutely awesome. Restored my hope that maybe our country has a glimmer of hope left. I heard that it even left leading republican john boehner orange in the face. (google him if you don't know who he is). That Obama is so pragmatic, so charismatic, and so intelligent. I less than three him. <--- I heard that from somebody today and thought it was clever and cute as hell. anyhow. que sera sera, or a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, or spare the rod spoil the child. one of those I think. three cheers to my tangential, random, incoherent mind.

somebody pointed out to me the length of the word abbreviation today. I laughed. perhaps even out loud a little. I love clever little things like that... and that was one that I had not before encountered. One of the one's that makes the most sense right now is the whole progress/congress. seriously. depressedly optimistic about it though. no. seriously, I'm kidding. <-- also awesome. other cute ones that come to mind: why is phonetic spelled the way it is. why are there so few synonyms for the word synonym. who came up with the word monosyllabic. do polydactic people sometimes give high sevens? those types of things make me smile :D

again. somebody needs to hunt down that ingrate of a groundhog and render him visionless. another 6 weeks of winter is unacceptable. I do not wish to live in an igloo. unacceptable.

eskimo kisses.

sessik

okay. I am going to watch an ambien and take a house.

dyslexic kisses to you all.

30 seconds to mars... four hours to salt lake city.

my belle, don't forget for whom you toll.

you're like a rope around my neck. such a nuisance.

words are the conduit to the soul, the sole things that separates us from animals. Our animal urges expressed in abstraction. Abstract and intangible thoughts made real. reality created.

I watched up in the air. Best movie I have seen this year. Yes, the year is early... but still... go. see it at the next available showtime.

I went and saw the 30 seconds to mars concert last night. First suggestion, don't wear dress socks and chucks when the concert is on a goddamn glacier in the freezing mountains of park city.. Also, don't forget your glasses, coat, and gloves. Do, however, meet a random girl and accept the 4 hand warmers she gives you. In fact, stick two of them in your chucks, they are probably the only reason you won't get frostbite. Also, do accept a scarf and beanie from a very pretty girl with a very common name. Second. Don't listen to the band when they say everybody jump. Your feet are numb, so you literally can't... and let's not forget you're standing on a goddamn glacier. Cue, people falling on their asses left and right. Next, be sure not to have your friend drive home in one of the biggest blizzards you've ever seen. Next, Be sure not to literally get stuck half a mile from the summit of parley's canyon. I've heard being motionless in the middle of the freeway is not the safest practice one can engage in. Also... remember that by now you realize you should have eaten something earlier because your stomach wants to convince your leg to kick you in the face. Persevere though. Four hours later you will make it home. You will be exhausted, and you will then, naturally, go through another experience that deserves its' own blog entry and keeps you up til 6 am. The next day... be sure to wake up at 9 am so you can greet the world dull-eyed and with a sparse and smooth tail.

All that being said. 30 seconds to mars was kick ass. the night was epic, and worth all the absolute shit thrown our way.

I am going to study for me chinese test. or pretend to and watch house/attempt to go to sleep.

30 second, frostbitten kisses from mars.

-lane

Somebody told me I had good diction, I insisted it was fallacy.

Martha Choke-ly lost the damn election. How the hell do you lose a 30 point lead as a democrat running for ted kennedy's senate seat that he had occupied for 47 years. Simple answer. complacency. But I think there is another factor at play here. First of all, it's not a referendum on Barack Obama (for many reasons). that's just unsubstantiated propaganda. The issue comes down to the difference of the candidates. Scott Brown was willing to "bare" his soul. There was no part of him left "unexposed." he "stripped down" and related to people on the "hard" truth about how inadequate Coakley was. Once he "uncovered" that fact. I could go on for days... but alas, I'll stop. I'll simply leave you with the "naked truth" Massachusetts meet your new senator-erect (I mean senator-elect).... Mr. Scott Brown!

le uneventful

Well tonight was certainly an interesting night.. hmm. nearly surreal i suppose. pleasant, but completely unexpected. On a lighter note, happy birthday to my brother. The best brother and best friend anybody could ask for. I had to do homework tonight. yeah... can't say i missed that at all. Hung out with a bunch of people this evening. tiff, clint, jake, katiana, angela, meredith etc. etc. I think there was probably a dozen people. I don't even want to talk about the MA senatorial special election. perhaps another day, when cooler heads prevail. wo ming tian yao qu da xue.

it is past my bedtime. I am however playing poker so i suppose i'm being productive. I am on a road... it feels as if the road has been stabbed and inundated by forks. the future, the unknown I look forward to with fixated eyes, unbridled enthusiasm, and a complete respect for the power of now. Choices are good. unless you give way to "analysis paralysis. My destiny is in my hands. such control is beyond empowering. death before dishonor. carpe diem. my life is mine. and i am truly blessed.

live, don't just be alive.

cucumber kim chi = delicious. I rather enjoyed the last episode of House tonight. I went and saw whip it. It was good. not amazing... but good. my eyes have been opened. but unfortunately i think they're bloodshot. tis but a mere eyedrop in the proverbial bucket. study closely young pupils. the eyes are the window to the soul. The sole purpose of life is to find purpose. and I, and my eyes walk on the soles of my tattered and torn converse until i find it. I am searching for meaning, but starting to realize the meaning is in the search. embrace the moment. live in the ripples of the water, live in the currents of the wind, live in the warmth of the sun and the shine of the moonlight.

moonlit kisses to you all...

hard title to come up with. for nick, kate, and all my other clever readers.

i want to talk politics, but alas, i shall refrain. i thought this essay on sexual innuendo was pretty funny and intriguing, give it a hard look and really penetrate to the bottom so you come away completely satisfied ;)

Sexual Innuendo is a hard topic to stay on top of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.
A common problem with sexual innuendo is the recipient being unable to wrap their hands around the intended meaning. In this case, an individual using sexual innuendo will often start slow and eventually build up, increasing depth more and more until the recipient feels the actual thrust of the point and the innuendo climaxes. An innuendo is always the most pleasing when no one sees it coming, often by entering the mind through the rear. Some skilled people are even able to use several sexual innuendos quickly in succession, resulting in multiple innuendo-esque climaxes. Key phrases can grasp the sentence by the ankles and part its long clauses allowing the orator to penetrate the essence of the sentence. In this regard, the key is to avoid stiff, rigid words, for ones that give the meaning of the sentence a firm rise in innuendic possibilities. Some regard sexual innuendo as an art form, and it goes without saying that one needs a certain level of oral skills in order for the fluidic exchange of innuendo to succeed. However, this is not enough to fill the requirements. One needs to pay special attention to the region of the sentence to which the innuendo will enter. For lasting effects, it is most important to enter deep within the recipient's consciousness and to ensure that all of the seeds of humor have flowed forth. This is not an easy task for most people, so it is only through rigorous repetition of the insertion of sexual innuendo that one can fully master the uplifting effects it can have on vocabulary.
On another side note, one must remember that when practicing innuendo to somebody who has heard it for the first time, one must be ready to slowly enter in the tight quarters of the reader's mind, lest risk getting their ideas unpleasantly stuck within the annals of the reader's mind.
Although sexual innuendo requires masterful manipulation of parts of speech (and sometimes the skillful use of body language), for most people it comes quickly.

well, that made me sleepy. i'm going to lay down on my firm pillow, swallow the days' troubles, and come tomorrow, I'll be feeling at the peak of the world.

kisses at the peak.-lane

subtlety is a conspicuous craft.

Perhaps a post full of innuendo, subtle suggestive phrasings, extended metaphors, leaps of logic and overall crytpic language. 28 lunar cycles later, with an adjective that precedes it, and a feeling that transcends it. second-handedly left with a local band song title plastered accross my face. Bowlby would be proud. I'm not just monkeying around. I could use a latte. maybe 5... but que sera sera. I can't account for the feeling, nascent, new, and nonetheless, nostalgic. i can't account for most things. Fit for a king, but best shared with a queen. the prettiest emeralds I've ever seen. it doesn't zygomaticus how major things make me melt. a clouded crystal ball, but what fun would it be if i could see it all. like a winter globe that has been shaken, but soon the snow will stop and I can see clearly. you have no need, and no reason not to fear me. but believe me, the things you see are me. two weeks a new. who knew? foot, meet other shoe. start again anew. left, right, left, right, nothing left to write seems so wrong. but alas, an unscripted ending to a currently playing song. Jimmy may have ate the world, but I'll devour it. I'll chase those fireflies until they cease to glow. I glow from your upturned lips more than you'll ever know. No, I am not literally speaking figuratively, but i figure it's literal enough. Enough with literary rambles and tangents. I'm a square, or i guess a triangle. or perhaps the opposite over the adjacent. What's my angle. I'm not sure I know, that's for certain. Certainty is never sure, or so I'm led to believe. I believe i've led this unicorn to water, but I can't make it drink. I believe you are so thoughtful, but that's just what I think. you wrap me in feelings i can't explain, i want to shrink into your heart, and beat through your arteries. So i can be a part of you, like you are a part of me. but apart from that all is well. well, until the well runs dry. but then we'll know the worth of the water. is it worth it? time will tell. I can't tell you how many times i've heard that. but time tells an incomplete picture of how complete you make me feel. Or perhaps i'm completely off base. I don't have much to base it on except the feelings i get around you. I feel this has gotten to be too much. perhaps much ado about nothing. but nothing matters like the present. and your presence is all that matters.

No clever title. Just be a better person. the end.

Thoughts, prayers, condolences, and absolute best wishes to those desperately in need of help in Haiti, or those around the world with friends or families in Haiti. I wish for expedience, efficiency, and effectiveness in the relief effort. If anything can be gained from this tragedy, hopefully it is a perspective on the precariousness of life, and the fortune with which most of us are privileged to live every day. Take nothing and nobody for granted. Remember what we share as humans, and not what separates us by imaginary borders, meaningless race distinctions, partitioning political factions, and the derision and divisiveness that all too often pervades and pollutes this planet.

A lot of sympathy has poured to the people of Haiti, both because of the scope of the tragedy, and the immediacy with which it must be addressed. It is my sincere wish that the amount of sacrifice, helpfulness, and conviction that people have shown to Haiti will spill over and foster an awareness of the grand scale of problems that face people from every corner of the globe. Live your life in a mindful manner, extend a hand to those in need. Get off your ass and make the world a better place. Don't be a selfish prick. Live with integrity. Not later. immediately. It doesn't matter how little or much you give, it doesn't matter whether it is time, money, expertise, or just compassion... Everybody can do something. No matter how small, how seemingly trivial your gesture, you can make a difference. Do it, and do it now.

i bet you don't take the better bet.

This is one of the reasons I am able to win money at poker. People are predictably irrational. and I exploit that. Behavioral economics has been of great interest to me lately. Here is some Nobel Prize-winning research from wiki that was interesting (and something i see everytime i play poker).

Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky were interested in the apparently strange way in which people make decisions in risky situations. One example is: would you bet £10 on the flip of a coin if you stood to win £20? So you've got a 50% chance of losing £10 and a 50% chance of winning £20. This seems like a good bet to take and yet studies show that people tend not to take it. Why?

Changes in wealth
Before Kahneman and Tversky (1979) published their ground-br eaking research, risky decisions were usually analysed by thinking about the total wealth involved. When you look at this bet in the context of the total wealth it makes sense to gamble. It's obvious you've got more to gain than you have to lose. So, why do people tend not to?

"It is actually the changes in wealth on which people base their decision-making calculations."What Kahneman and Tversky suggested was that, in fact people think about small gambles like this in terms of losses, gains and neutral outcomes. It is actually the changes in wealth on which people base their decision-making calculations. But that doesn't completely explain why people don't take the bet. There's a further piece to the puzzle.

It turns out that at low levels of risk, such as this coin flip situation, people are more averse to the loss of £10 than they are attracted by the chance of winning the £20. Studies have shown that people actually need the chance of winning £30 before they'll consider risking their own £10.

Just as people show illogical risk aversion in some circumstances, they also show risk seeking behaviour in other circumstances.

Imagine you have to choose between these two options. The first is that you have an 85% chance of losing £1,000 along with a 15% chance of losing nothing. The second is a 100% chance of losing £800. Not much of a choice, right!? You're between a rock and hard place. Still, sometimes we have to cut our losses.

"When the potential for loss is there, suddenly people prefer to take a risk."According to the maths you should choose the sure loss of £800, but most people don't. Most people choose to gamble. So when the potential for loss is there, suddenly people prefer to take a risk. They've become risk seekers. Yet, when there's the potential for gains, people are often risk averse.

Framing bias
This way of thinking about how people behave in risky situations, which Kahneman and Tversky called Prospect Theory, has a second major insight that follows on from the risk aversion and risk seeking described above.

What they realised was that people behaved in different ways depending on how the risky situation was presented. Remember that if a risk is presented in terms of losses, people will be more risk seeking, and if it's expressed in terms of gains, people will be more risk averse.

Their classic example involves this fictional situation:

"Imagine your country is preparing for the outbreak of a disease expected to kill 600 people. If program A is adopted, exactly 200 people will be saved. If program B is adopted there is a 1/3 probability that 600 people will be saved and a 2/3 probability that no people will be saved."

Here, the risk is presented in terms of gains so people tend to choose option A (72%), which is, in fact, worse. Here's the same problem but this time presented in terms of losses:

"Imagine your country is preparing for the outbreak of a disease expected to kill 600 people. If program A is adopted, exactly 400 people will die. If program B is adopted there is a 1/3 probability that no one will die and a 2/3 probability that 600 people will die."

Now most people (78%) choose B because the problem is presented in terms of losses. People suddenly prefer to take a risk. In fact, if you look at both the situations you'll see that, mathematically, they're identical and yet people's decision is heavily influenced by the way the problem is framed. This effect has been termed preference reversal.

Now back to the real world
After considering these sorts of problems for a few minutes, it's easy to wonder what all of this abstract reasoning has to do with the real world. Quite a lot argue Kahneman and Tversky. The Nobel Prize committee agreed.

"Everyday life involves endless 'gambles'."Everyday life involves endless 'gambles' and betting examples are just one of the easiest ways to understand how humans make decisions in risky situations. Certainly Kahneman and Tversky's work has plenty to say about some of the apparently strange decisions people make in everyday life.

So, next time you're agonising over a decision in terms of losses, try this simple trick. Re-imagine the whole decision in terms of gains. I can't promise it will help you make your decision, but at least you'll better understand Kahneman and Tversky's insightful research. Humans are not as rational as we would like to think.

spicy

from end of summer/fall.

I took salsa lessons today. I have two left feet. and three legs, that makes it hard to dance. My partner is lovely though. yay. go me.
I have been more social lately. yay!
For some reason I shake like an epileptic at a rave though. that's no bueno.
I listened to a podcast on ketamine as a possible intervention for treatment resistant depression. fascinating.
I have the new brand new album and the new used album. that makes me happy. p.s. if you analyze those sentences they sound super funny. "new brand new" "new used" ha. that's silly.
speaking of silly. 56 people signed the declaration of independence. i may have made that up. Jalapeno soup is lovely. I love the movie adventureland. Everybody should see it. I used to really like mike tyson when I was a little kid. Too bad he turned into a rapist/crazy/ear biter. only boxer I ever liked to watch. Prince has to have surgery. He has a bump. pretty routine, but surgery nonetheless. Nevada has the most individual mountain peaks in the united states. Phoenix is the most populated capital city in the united states. i talked to Marcela tonight. I haven't seen/talked to her in forever. I rarely take good photographs. I think I'm the most unphotogenic person alive. I have two cuts on my finger. they look like vampire bites. I saw the show "bite" at the stratosphere once. not worth the money, but it was enertaining. I also saw blue man group (a couple of times). eye contact is weird. I'm trying to get better at holding it. I can't believe how many people cross their arms or play with their hair in large groups. I have to try my hardest not to do it. Labor day weekend is this week (I think at least?) I believe my friend from baltimore is coming in. that's lovely. People that play bass for a living just play with four pieces of string all day. That sounds like a kick ass job. donkeys eyes are positioned so that they can see all four of their legs at the same time. I saw bears playing hockey. Google it, it was awesome. My english accent is pretty good now adays. I think my american one is shit though. I'm sad the gallivan center concert series is over. Bull rides kick ass. despite them being unsuccessful. today i ate bean fold overs for breakfast. pretty good. pumpkin chocolate chip cookie too. (and lots and lots of coffee). Halloween is coming up soon. I carved a pumpkin once. it looked retarded. Can you say retarded... or is that an offensive word? I'm not sure. it looked like a pumpkin with a severe pervasive developmental disorder. perhaps that's better. The DSM V comes out in 2010. that makes me excited. my computer (laptop had 2 gb free out of 160. eek. i fixed it. it runs better now. september 26th, I want to walk in the NAMI walk. (I think it was called nami. somebody should walk with me. national academy of mental illness or something. go charity.

beauty is a lie to old sweetly. flesh is heretic. scrabble is angellic. My mother and I are going on a vacation in a month. we're kick ass. just a baby one. but we're kick ass. panic attacks are strange. I listened to a lot of information about them yesterday. girl at my house had a panic attack. guy with an unbuttoned button up shirt wanted to beat me up. it was silly. I was in a onesie and a mexico beanie. sesame (fake) chicken is good too. coffee takes like ass... but it sure picks me up. gee whiz. went to fetish night at area 51 for clint's birthday. Odd group of people. Naked people being carried around by collars. pleather, whips, etc. my kind of party. ha ;)

his real birthday is tomorrow... i hope i don't damn forget. whit, if you read this and remember, remind me. Gaz is brittish, hell of a kid. Sincere and true friend. He's a car detailer. If you ever need your car detailed by a man that worked for bently/landover, he's one of the best in the state, and reasonably priced. if you want your car detailed, let me know, and I'll see what I can swing. Sorry to plug that there... not usually my style. speaking of plugs. I need to fix the one in the bathroom. screw it, double entendre.

I hope fall happens soon. I want to wear my sweaters and shit. I love king size beds.. and penguins. not sure if I'm a fan of them both together... but i'd certainly give it a try. I think it night night time. besos.

it feels like I'm trying to catch smoke.

the new brand new album has grown on me quite a bit recently. Lyrically, I think it's much better than I anticipated. Maybe i just over-analyzed them, but they seem very deep and more complex than upon a cursory glance. I especially like "at the bottom" and "gasoline" at the moment. Noro is good too. and Vices is absolutely terrific. listen to them if you like brand new... or if you don't...

what an uneventful blog. damnit. c'est la vie I suppose.

kiss kiss.

consciousness in ex-stream fashion.

consciousness in ex-stream fashion.

I actually love love actually. I think that it is an amazing and fantastic show. one of my top five for sure. I love hugh grant too. Prostitutes are an odd phenomenon. as george carlin said... selling is legal, fucking is legal... so why the hell isn't selling fucking legal. I loved George Carlin, I went and saw him at abravanel hall once upon a time with my brother. My brother gets to do practicum stuff where he helps in therapy with people with a wide range of disorders. I'm jealous. I listened to an interesting podcast about dialectical behavior therapy. It's used to treat borderline personality disorder. I wonder how michelle is doing. I can't say whether i hope that it's good or bad. I'm not sure. Certain dry deodorant is the best... well, I guess technically it's an anti-persperant. Ants and the study of pheromones has always intrigued me. People that were giving oxytocin prior to being offered a business venture were 80% more likely to take the deal. I need a massage. my text messaging is all messed up. my phone is stupid and glitchy. damn dash. My glove box is broken. Vince broke it when we went to the gym. sad. I'm excited for winter, I get to wear gloves. yay! winter/fall i suppose. When all else fails by the ataris is such a good song. love it. My basset hound is so cute. he's getting old and has big ears. Barack obama kicks ass. I love wearing black shirts, they are so slimming. Johnny cash is fantastic. There are so many words for money in the english language. it reflects our values. There's a pointless message written on my mirror telling me to pay my hoa. I keep neglecting it. I'm hot like a left sink handle. When I was nine, my best friend was jason meyer. I won a poker tournament the other day. I had a pinball machine when i was little. It was kick ass. Once I had the chance between seeing the shows sigmund and freud and blue man group. If i would have known he was going to get mauled, i would have chosen the former. I need new chucks. Mine have holes and they are dirty. charles barkley was my favorite basketball player. He's got a gambling problem. The comedian Mitch Fatel cracks me up. Blueberry muffins are my favorite. I wish to shake it like a polaroid picture. the obadiah parker cover though. I love my blanket. it's so versatile. from summer to fall. I key a lot faster when I take a beta blocker. I <3 tiger army. billy goats are cute, sheep are baaaad. I wonder where monica lewinski is now. Canada is the biggest country on the continent of north america. My fifth grade teacher was Ms. Springer. I think, I may have made that up. The kkk tood my baby away. I haven't hung out with whitney in a long time. Cogito, ergo sum. i hate shopping carts with one bad wheel. stupid. I hate caves, I could never be a spelunker. phobias are silly. formicophilia is my favorite. the top 8 in myspace was stupid. talk about drama just waiting to happen. I always wanted a butler. maybe I still do. still waters run deep. i can't swim. Float on by modest mouse... i hated that song at first, but it subsequently grew on me. knockout mice are crazy. that definitely deserved the nobel prize. I watched tyson. pretty good. ala means wing in spanish. I love hispanic women. Only you can prevent forest fires. I need new make up. whoever decided to bottle and sell water was a genius. I wanted to go to a garage sale this year, I didn't. I won the spelling bee in sixth grade. My dad's original name was bethers. words with silent g's are weird. Kevin Smith is a smart man, I enjoy his films. I miss prince, it seems as if i haven't seen him in some time. :( i need to contact some people i haven't hung out with in a long time that I miss. namely brittany thatcher, janessa, and vince. I never was a fan of those jones sodas. overrated. ambien kicked in now I'm sedated. I'm elated, despite my bedtime being belated. insomnia is overrated. please disregard the shitty blog i've created :)

lucidity, I welcome you with open arms. I think we shall have a fun time tonight. i go to sleep now. grace me with your tender and comforting embrace.

xoxo

rivers of conciousness. new them with an e.

cowabunga dude. last night was a bad night. at least I assume. ass. you. me. Seinfeld is good. again... the kkk took my baby away. a lot of baseball teams are named after birds. orioles, cardinals, red sox (okay the last one was named after a red sock... but still, you get the gist). I folded all my sweaters. go me. In second grade, i won a trapper keeper for being kick ass. origami means paper fold. or something like that. flamingos are pink because they are gay. okay I made that up. speaking of made up... burger king mocha joe's are fantastic! evander (spelling?) holyfield is missing part of his ear. It's a starry night. or should i stay starie night. chanda, where art though? if it ain't baroque, don't fix it. thanks savannah for changing my tire 5 years ago. actually not my tire, but nonetheless. that's three words smushed together. I used to play video games all the time. I used to golf all the time. Time, that ever insistent riple that pervades my every action. get up kids are coming in a few days. I would love to see them. won't. what a weird contraction. again... i reiterate.. only you can prevent forest fires. and half-ass elipses. my dash is shit. missing shit, but shit. Harps make you feel better about dying. beat it, asshole. I need new eans. 9 times out of ten, the answer is 80 percent. cal ripken. famous for stability. quarks, quirks. off-handed smirks. blue. the eiffel tower 65 years old. okay... not really. Michelle. my belle, I hope you're doing swell. swell meaning miserable. love you sarah.first girl i dated was kara. she went on to be miss utah or something. christmas is coming soon. Premature is an underused word. people say i look like hugh jackman. aladdin was a good show. (spelling)? apparently i lied about the spelling bee. rest homes smell funny. scrabble should be called "game that kicks ass" as I've mentioned before. donkeys can see all four of their legs at the same time. what was her name, ashley, i don't remember. but eye say cock a doodle doo to you. i mean cock eye say... okay. i'm just mean. chile verde. one of the things i miss. what the fuck was the other place. immigration canyon. banyon. i won an essay contest. I lick ass. k and l are so close to each other. like peas ina pod. 3rd grade kicked ass. monsoons are devastating. i like words that can be verbs or nouns. jesus christ that's a pretty face. Mandy Moore is super pretty. an increase in demand leads to increased air supply record sales. sell sale sail. bride, pride, step aside. out of stride. gum, I've succumb. mute. like a remote control (the tv show of course). mr ed. you're probably dead. that being said, I am a white in shining armor. I mean night...i mean knight. cu-knight. what a weird word. things get twisted. red, blue, i think green and yellow? love cows. want a mini cow as a pet. nearlly saud bet. bet you ddn't... hugh grant. two weeks. love the fog. the image of a handicapped person having sex with a door knob makes me smile. Gigolo was one of the words in the word scramble today. egg. chicken. kentucky. i blew on grass. seed what it would do. what, that maid know cents. 50 % or statistics including the word 50 percent are right. percocet, never taking it. I used to be good at tennis. hitler had a funny mustache. moustache. you're welcome. hirajuku girls (spelling) i have no doubt your kingdom is tragic, despite the not making cents. homonys ur soup er something like that. biggest city I've ever been to is new york. I want a sombrero, and pizza. I want hawaiian pineapple. pine plus apple equals pine apple.. why don't they just call it bluespruce red delicious. i think it has a better ring to it. dian hua. talk, electricallly like a side. Robert, other one was from alpine. he slid out of my life. rhymes with blessica henson, i should have rhymed with carried you. Jimmy ate the world. you spin me right round. write emersojn. do you think bobbing for cherries or using a neti pot is like watrboarding. not the fun kind on the ocean, but the fun feeling you get while surfing. spiders have eight legs. I have two. for now. balleronas can like stand up on their toes. i wonder if it is a mastodon is a extincrt member of the proboscidae famiy.I hate to be nosey. nosy? I thnk first is better. leona lewis. I bleed like a hemophiliac. kick back, a\paperntusack. trade of all jacks. lies. to me, take me apart and glew me. glee! 233 love me. gentle massage, and kfc chicken to you all.... kiss mes to you all is mes a words don't think i like to sew. 8th grade. i should have bagged it. the wheel of death. the skill of wycllef. love mack and cheese, old cars grow on me. not literally, stay in schoo, read. help homeless people. I go back to leona lewis. fur what it' worth. she is awesome like a blossom. kanaroos kick ass. sometimes literally.i wanted to say literarily. go big pun. I'm still not a player. i do however crush a lot. minor leauge baseball. broken necks. spine, swine, jeff. nothing else left, lay in pieces of full rest.

missspelled kises!

Dum spiro spero

amor vincit omnia, amantes sus amentes. I think I'm in love with sanity. venni vetti vecci. the fire rages on. Immodica ira creat insaniam. Non sum qualis eram. i am but my shell of a former self. Non est vivere sed valere vita est. Omnes una manet nox. Periculum in mora, Non sum qualis eram
this was horrible to me, it's all greek to me :p or latin, or whatever. i gunno go nighty nighthy ambi4n and sleep. kiss3s

move your eyes. okkkay?

I wrote this a while ago... I neglected to publish it.

I read a lot about EMDR today. Previously, I thought that it was only implicated in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder, but apparently, the inventor, as well as the psychological literature suggest otherwise. For those that don't know EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It is a very intriguing source of research to me. From preliminary research, I have heard that it is just as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy or exposure methods In treating PTSD. Not only that, but it seems to work a lot faster. It's potential applications for depression or anxiety in general greatly intrigue me... and I think I just may purchase a book about it and give it a perusing. Lately I am thinking about writing a psychology blog to chronicle all the fascinating and cutting edge treatments that I come across. Maybe to educate some people on various disorders etc. Somebody come up with a clever title for it. That's your job. I also want to write a political blog. however, in this current entry, I don't feel like writing too much more. I threw away like 20 pairs of levis today, organized every drawer in my house, folded all my sweaters and was productive as shit. That's awesome. I think that I will go to sleep now. I watched tyson too. I liked it. watch it. ate lunch with my brother. Tried a beta blocker to stop my shaking. worked very well. I'm excited to go to sleep (or try). I love the new used album. kill the faggots, kill the lesbians, goddamn kill them all. That speech is classic crazy. If none of you have heard it, google it, kill whitey speech or something like that. wow. just wow. crazy, crazy man... Khallid Muhammad or something like that.

"Don't feed me scraps from your bed. I won't be the cat that keeps coming back, just to be fed..."

7 cheers for folding all my sweaters. 8 cheers to proximity. 9 lives to cats.
meow, that's all for now.

racist kkkisses to you all.

and I have no idea why this got all formatted weird. shittay.

the old year you knew is gone. happy new year!

from like jan 3rd or something. from my old blog..

I'm sick. nyquill and I are just kind of hanging out... low key, watching burn notice (which i dig) and laying in me bed fit for the husband of a queen. I am going to start writing a lot of blogs. However, they are going to be scattered out over multiple accounts, covering a wide range of topics. I think that I will still have a personal random one (a different address than this probably)... <----(that place being here for the time being) but, in addition, I'm going to have subject focused blogs that are organized, coherent, intelligible etc. This non-sensical staccato style blog has it's place, but in addition i plan... operative word being plan, to write about a whole amalgam of topics. psychology/developments in psychology, music, film, politics, grammar, fashion, and a whole array of different topics. if you have a topic to which you would like me to devote time and energy, let me know... and I will probably do so. New developments with me... I have a couple of new roommates if you were unaware, i have a few girls that are interested in me or vice versa (or both). I'm quite a bit more social, a substantial amount more driven and ambitious, and have learned to live my life with integrity... to myself. I tend to wake up with a kick life's ass mentality daily, and it rarely wanes. I have started to play poker again, despise it as i may... i read a lot of books. my house is always clean, i'm the skinniest i have been since high school. i am much more organized (still far from perfect). I am taking steps to make my life exactly what i want it to be... and I am doing it alone. If you count on someobdy else to accompany you, i've found out you end up just doing a bunch of waiting. I have no faith in humanity, I think that people continually, constantly, and unequivocally fail to rise to my expectations. Despite my lack of faith or respect for most other people, I have more faith, respect, and a sense of promise in myself than ever before. My resolve, unparalleled. I have an unwaivering sense for self-betterment. Be the change you seek. Seek your truest desire, may your desires come from the purest recesses of your brain. be the you that you want to be. Life is a journey to self-discovery. Most take the wrong path and for a long time, a few take a few steps down the right path, but don't continue down it. I hope to haul ass down the right path like a cheetah chasing a gazelle. My new year's resolutions started weeks ago. and thus far, progressed wonderfully. May this new year greet everybody with the most important thing of all; progress. The betterment of others, your self, and the world. You create your reality, not other people. Make it a damn good one. and do it right god-damn now. no excuses. no delay.

new year's kisses to you all ;)

hell froze over so they added an "o"

this blog will no doubt be a mosaic of profound, random, silly, inane, logical, illogical musings... I invite you to choose whichever adjective you wish for whichever entry/ies you decide to read.